The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
