watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
