hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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