Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
