he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize