i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
