I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
