Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
