she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
