It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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