dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
