waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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