I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
