Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Couch. On fire.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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