Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Do vagina's smell?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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