your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
