Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
