I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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