He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
