i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
