Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Boobs are out for the taking
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
