I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
