I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
