apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
