Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
