So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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