I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
