I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
