can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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