The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
