he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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