apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
