Sponge bath it is.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She's the barista slut.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
