Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
