Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
