ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
