I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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