Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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