And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
