i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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