you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
