You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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