if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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