were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So squirting runs in the family.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
