It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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