so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
