Only a mothe r could love this liver
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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