now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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