I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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