If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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