yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
