Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
