Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
