I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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