Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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