FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
