She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
