I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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