I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
