either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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