3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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