If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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