Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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