Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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