see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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