She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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