Apparently you make a good broom.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
