Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
