Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
