I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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