doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
