Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
