I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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