i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I FOUND THE LEGS
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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