Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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