I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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