so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
