his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
