I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
