Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
