You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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