Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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