What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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