I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
