"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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