will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
