I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
