I met the friendliest cop last night
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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