he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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