when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
