Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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