so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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