he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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