How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
