Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
