I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize