My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
