so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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