I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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