My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
