You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
