I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize