Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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